What Did You Fail at Today?
Have you ever had an embarrassing moment that made you want to crawl underneath a rock and hide? Chances are high that you have. We all have! One important thing to recognize when you have a failure or embarrassing moment is that down the road, this is part of your story.
The other day I watched an interview with Sara Blakely, the CEO and founder of Spanx, which is a unique undergarment clothing brand currently valued at over $750 million dollars. She told the gentleman interviewing her that she grew up with a father who would ask her the same question each week when after she came home from school, “ What did you fail at this week?” She didn’t realize it then, but she was being conditioned from a young age to re-train her brain to think about failure in a positive way. So when she would tell her dad that she tried out for the cheerleading squad and was horrible at it and a complete failure, he would ask her, “ What positive thing came out of that experience?” She would learn to respond back with something good. Maybe you tried out for the team, didn’t make it, but met your best friend that way. Maybe you felt proud of yourself for trying something different. Expanding your horizons and failure is never a bad thing. Learning to re-frame the way you approach failure and new opportunities can really affect your future path in life. When you train yourself to remove the fear of failure through re-framing the way you view it, you will then be able to more easily allow yourself to step into your purpose, and live a more purpose-filled life.
Most people are afraid of failure. Failure is very humbling. They are afraid to lose, but it’s the way that you take the “ L” that can make all the difference in your life. By training your brain to see the positive in losing, you can still acknowledge the loss because it really did happen, but it doesn’t have to permanently define you. Teaching our children that failure must be acknowledged is good because I am a firm believer in teaching accountability. However, in addition to teaching them to acknowledge the failure, you can teach your children how to thrive as a result of re-framing the way they can learn from the failure. I am definitely a mom who does not believe in sugar coating a failure. I choose to flat out call it what it is because I believe that one should take ownership when they do fail. However, training your children to focus on moving forward and finding the good in learning from trying after acknowledging the failure is what will allow them to really thrive.
Sarah Blakely tells the story in the interview that she went to the United Kingdom to launch Spanx for the first time ever and landed an interview with the BBC. The reporter asked her on camera to tell everyone in the U.K. what Spanx can do for women in the U.K. She responded with, “ It’s all about the fanny. It smooths the fanny. It lifts your fanny, women are going to look great!” The reporter lost all the color in his face. Unbeknownst to her, the term fanny is used a little differently in the U.K. It refers to a vagina in British culture. Whoops! She said she had no idea! She said that was super embarrassing, but she called her team in Atlanta and told them that sales had just launched in the most unique way! It made for a very unique story for her in the future! Sometimes things happen and you just have to roll with the punches. Life is all about having a growth mindset. You want to set yourself and your kids up for success? Practice and teach falling in love with the growth process of failing. Lead by example and teach your kids the importance of using failure as a tool to propel yourself forward.
If you think about the fear of failure and go deeper, you’ll find that deep down, we really are scared of being embarrassed. We are afraid of what other people might think. One thing that she suggested in the interview that really resonated with me was that she encouraged everyone to become a student of working on not caring about what other people think about you.Realize that this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them. This is very important to recognize. She even practices embarrassing herself to increase her conditioning and ability to re-frame these situations because when you seek embarrassment, it loses it’s power over you. I found that to be very interesting. I have yet to try that tactic as a tool for growth, but I can assure you that I have plenty of embarrassing moments which come up to choose from. I figure if I can giggle and not take myself too seriously, then I am winning in my own mind.
Failure will always be a part of life so remember, it does not have to define you. Believe in yourself. You are God’s beautifully made child, uniquely qualified to be a blessing to those around you using the gifts and talents that were bestowed upon you. Embrace your mistakes and look at them as opportunities to learn. Remember, it’s process over product. The times we tell our children to stop trying when they are learning to walk is zero. Keep that in mind when the process feels long. Praise your efforts over outcome, because this is where you are growing. Lastly, create realistic goals that focus on progress, and not perfection. You have one life here on this earth. There is no sense beating yourself up about failure nor letting the fear of embarrassment take over. Celebrate your progress, always. In doing this, you make your life that much more beautiful.
