Steps To Get To Happy When You Don’t Feel Great
Have you ever noticed a person who looked truly happy and seemed to have a fulfilling life and wondered how they could always be so happy? Now, we know that they are not always happy, but there is just something about them that exudes happiness. Next time you find yourself in a dark place, here are some tips to help you get out of your rut:
Change your state. Easier said than done right? Well, I have been there. I spent a whole week worrying about things that haven’t actually happened. Has this ever happened to you? A few weeks back, I realized that I was experiencing extreme anxiety because I was in a constant state of worry. I would try to push these feelings aside and not think about them, but I would even have dreams at night that were very negative and sometimes, even nightmares. I began to tune in and really accept the fact that I was experiencing anxiety. Once I acknowledged my feelings, I was then free to re-frame how I think about them. We all get into this state of worry at some point or another. The fact is that uncertain situations are part of life. They are an uncomfortable part of life, but it is a fact that you will at some point in your life face circumstances that are scary. What you can do is take a moment to acknowledge your feelings and recognize what is causing the triggers you feel. In my particular case, it was worry about something that might happen, but had not actually happened. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given was to allow yourself to feel the feelings for 90 seconds and then train your brain to change your state. When it comes to worry, you can remind yourself that there is nothing you can do about it. Fear does not stop death. Fear stops life. So when we learn to change our state, we can begin training ourselves to learn how to change our state.
Happiness starts with a mindset shift. The other day I was watching one of my favorite speakers give a speech about mindset on stage and I remember thinking, “ What is really the difference between her and myself?” If you really stop and think about it, we are all lucky enough to be human, born in a day and age where we can connect and reach people through social media and texts, communication is literally at our fingertips. How cool that we can connect with people with our fingertips! I can’t tell you how many times I have heard friends say things like, “ I wish I could do that.” When someone says to me, “ I wish I was more...xyz..” I like to ask them the question, “ What is stopping you? What is holding you back?” When you really sit down and think about it, most times it is the lies we tell ourselves that we have told ourselves so much, that we actually believe it to be true.
The other day I walked into an event and apparently the theme of the event was to wear white. I was wearing a solid green dress. I felt like the only one not wearing white. Apparently I missed the memo! Haha.. well, the old me would have wanted to run out of there and been embarrassed. In fact my first thought was, “ Oh no! I messed up! What is wrong with me that I didn’t see the memo?!” Right after that thought, I decided to flip the script in my head. I decided that my color choice would not affect me and I would rock that green dress because I had fallen in love with it the moment I saw it on the rack. I love to tell my little girls, “ Why fit in when you were born to stand out? “ If I caved in to my first emotions, what kind of example would I be for them? So, when you feel your insecurities creep up, learning to flip that script in your head will save you every time. Own your differences. They make you who you are. Wear them as proof of the beautiful person you have become and are becoming. Happiness really is all about learning to re-frame the way you think about situations. This will make all the difference when dealing with emotions like rejection, insecurities, and sadness. Asking yourself what positive things can come from the situations that are making you less than happy can have positive results.
Start building small healthy habits one day at a time. Remember, Rome was not built in a day! When you feel like you are in a rut, start with small baby steps. Take a shower. Then do the next thing that must be done, then the next simple thing. When you are really in a place that is hard, tackling one element at a time can add up to big success. Here is an exercise you can do to get out of your rut:
Imagine if you were to close your eyes and picture yourself as the happiest version of you. What does that look like? What is your life like? Who are you surrounded by? What kinds of things are you doing? Write that down. There are times that you cannot change your circumstances, but you can change you and in changing yourself, you are opening yourself up to new circumstances. When we are making progress is when we feel most alive. So write down five reasons why you are not allowed to be the happiest version of yourself. Then, cross them out and write down five reasons why you CAN be the happiest version of yourself. A wise man once told me, when you can get back to the truest version of who you really are, there you will find the most happiness. For me, I realize that ever since I was a little girl, I love to help people. I love the feeling of connecting with them on a deeper level and taking the time to get to know them. I love teaching people, helping them to learn to see beauty in opportunities that are all around them, just by shifting their view. More than anything, helping those around me to awaken to their potential and to see just how much joy they are capable of having gives me such joy. I would love for you to be able to see yourself as God sees you. You don’t have to take on the whole world all at once. That would be overwhelming. If you want to increase your happiness, make sure you are making progress in the areas that you really want to by carving out time to do it on your calendar. Ten minutes a day spent on something that will improve your life adds up to big results in the long run, so put that time on your calendar and guard it with your life. That time needs to be for you and you only. This can be something as simple as going for a walk for ten minutes a day and listening to your favorite music on your phone. Anything that will help you to move the needle towards becoming the happiest, truest version of yourself should be on your list. This will help you in establishing your progress. When you take small steps each day towards something that improves your life, you will soon find it becomes a whole lot easier to be grateful and happy. You can be proud of yourself when the small steps lead to big results. You have the power to change your life one small habit at a time.
Lastly, prayer is better than worry. Talking to good friends is better than keeping emotions bottled up inside. Progress is better than stagnation. Your life is better when you make a decision that you want to be happy. My hope is that if you do find yourself in a rut, you will remember these tips which are meant to empower you to get back into your happy state because a rut is no place to stay.
